Are YOU a good parent??

What do you think makes a good parent?

You feed the kids, you clean the kids, you put them to sleep and you love them, right? Easy!

But recently I have been feeling a bit of a crappy parent. I kept thinking, am I doing enough, should I have handled this better, why did I yell, I forgot the water bottle, look who didn’t pack the bum cream!

But the previous night, Joy’s room was really cold, and I remembered that I have to buy a winter sheet for her, now that she is sleeping in her big girl bed.

Last year, I made a fitted sheet out of a flat winter sheet for her cot mattress and was always mad at myself for not finishing the other one. Because having one…is just not clever. #leakynappies

So yesterday I made a point of getting 2 fitted winter sheets (unicorn & a pink one). They were on a special at Mr. Price Home, 2 sheets and you get 2 pillow cases for free. Who does not love a freebie?!

I had some doubts about buying 2 winter sheets, but knew somewhere in my being, that 2 was the number to get!

Like a proud mom I whipped off her summer sheets and put on the unicorn winter sheet! 🥳 So cool!

My husband was ill this weekend, so it was just my hands on deck with managing the house, food, Joy and routine… (can you hear the quiver in my voice🤪). The weekend was really a bit upside down and yesterday I slipped on cleaning the house and cooking. “hello, 2 pizzas please!”

The night time routine started. We ate pizza on the floor, gave her her antibiotics (tonsillitis #3), followed by a KitKat stick as reward for not spitting everything out, being on the potty for 3 seconds and having a nice bath. Alas… Joy took forever to get too sleep and we ended up watching calming toddler YouTube videos and drinking milk… We really need to start thinking of buying our own cow. 🐄🍼

Finally, thanks to the Super Simple Songs channel on YouTube, little Joy was out like a light!

This was followed by me, chilling on the couch watching Frasier and rewarding myself with the rest of the KitKat.

Around 3am a very restless and crying Joy woke me up through the baby monitor.

Not only was she completely open, everything was wet! Damn you leaky nappies!!!!!

So I quickly changed her nappy, new pants, t-shirt was still dry. Called dad, cause ill or not, I need 4 hands now.

He took Joy, I whipped off all the bedding & the new unicorn winter sheet and threw it in the laundry basket. And here is where my Super mom Cape came out….

I opened the cupboard, took out the new pink winter sheet and with in record time, it was on! As crying Joy settled into my arms, I thought to myself….that was a good mom moment. I just earned my Winter Sheet badge🎖️😏

And that got me thinking, it’s the small things that makes me feel like a good parent.

Like when Joy plays with any child, or when she takes her plate to the kitchen or when she says “amien” at the end of our prayers or when she eats her all bran.

Yes we feed them, we clean them, and we get them to sleep and love them with all our hearts.

But what makes us good parents are the extra things we do for them to make them feel more comforted, more loved and more safe, and that is what matters.

So next time you read up on how to be a good parent. Stop.

Because you are the only one that knows what your child will need and will love.

And that is what makes you a good parent. So celebrate the small victories and remember that each child is so incredibly unique in their own way, that no one can really tell you what they need.

Fast Fashion, Fast Kids

I don’t know about you guys… How do you decide what clothes to buy for your kids?

Are you the #buylocal-parent or the #budgetconscious-parent?

The Buy-Local-Parent is the type who only purchases local kids garments from “baby online boutiques” or farmer’s markets and which are only made from natural fabrics and hand-dyed with nature’s colours.

You will purchase a small shirt or mini shorts for your 6mo who can barely sit up by themselves, for anything between R200-R500. They wear it maybe 6 times before they grow out of it.

And your little one has a whole closet full of expensive baby boutique items, just waiting to be grown out in 5 seconds.

Then we have the Budget Conscious parent. They go to a super cheap chain-clothing store in a mall and purchase a tiny t-shirt for R25.

The parent is not concerned when that tiny shirt gets dirty, gets a hole in or gets out-grown in 5 min. It’s ok! Want to know why… Because that tiny shirt only cost R25!

We only buy Joy’s clothing in bulk at these super cheap chain-clothing stores. I would go at the beginning of a season, purchase toddler basics.

Three of the same in different colors or styles, and I walk out of there with a whole season wardrobe all for R600! Because I know, that kids grow like nothing you have ever seen, and that this mini seasonal wardrobe will never last till next season!

I have been observing parents on social media, and there is this new trend where parents post a picture of their kid in some kind of local natural fibre outfit and then they tag the brand.

Are they doing this to show off their status? Are they tagging the brand in hopes of becoming Ambassadors of the brand? Or are they just so proud of that their child is wearing brands at such a young age?

Whatever the reason… We are All going through tough times, and there is absolutely NO shame in buying “off the rack”.

And well done for you if can by boutique clothes for your kid and make your ends meet. But there is no reason why it should be flaunted and waved in front of people’s faces.

Fast Fashion isn’t something that needs to be promoted, but these days us parents have ‘fast’ kids (growing and developing), and if I have to purchase a R25 top from the cheap chain-clothing store in order to make sure our ends meet, then so be it.

Also… Making your kids use to the brand names that they wear only leaves the door open for a very expensive spoiled teenager…

The 3 sick bears

I love the saying… “I love it when a plan comes together…”

But what I love more…. Is when our routine with toddler Joy sticks for more than 7 days!

So I love it when our routine comes together!

We are all (around the world) entering year 2 from the C-19 disruption. And we have not been in a set routine in that 365 days!

With things sort of “settling” in South Africa, our kiddies had the privilege of returning to daycare! Ding ding ding!! All parents cheering for a bit of normalcy!

So the big plus from lockdowns was that kiddies do not get as sick as they did when they were at school. Now that they may return is a whole other ball game. If teachers get tested for C-19, because of contact with a postive C-19 person, then we had to isolate too, until results, and sometimes this happens more than ones in 3 weeks! I am very thankful to be working for my Super mom. If it was any other business I would have had to make another plan or become a stay at home mom.

As a parent you feel so relieved for your child to go back to school, but then something happens every 4 days with someone or you own child and mini lockdown for everyone in your household again.

So why did I call this post the 3 sick bears…?

For the simple reason Joy contracted a cold, and now all 3 of us are ill at home. Even my Super mom is ill. So trying to do somewhat of a routine while you are woman-down, your man is man-down and gran is also gran-down is absolutely a “whatever” situation.

We eat whatever. We drink (not that kind of drink) whatever. We watch whatever. We sleep whenever. And we wear whatever…just to cope. Its super hard when both parents are ill, it’s a struggle who gets to sleep when, whose turn is it to entertain your child… You get the jist.

My Super mom was a single parent, and she worked for a corporate company and she worked hard and long hours. I can’t even begin to imagine how she coped when I was ill and had to stay at home. #SingleSuperparentsRULE!

Yes, it’s difficult when everyone in your household is sick, and yes… You shiver at the thought that tomorrow will be another day at home when you see a snotty nose or when you feel like crap, and still have responsibilities… And I know everyone is hammering on the “new normal” but, I believe the lives that we are living now, is forcing us to be more adaptable to change and create our own “on-the-go normal”.

Just as long as everyone in your family does not get sick the same time… 😉

Hello again

It has been months since my last post. And all I can say is that I am sorry.

Life happened, a few anxiety spells and way more doctors’ visits that we care to remember.

So here is the low down on our life during lockdown.

Joy turned 2yo in October. She had 5 ear infections in 2020. Below-barely making sense when she spoke. Had an appointment with the ENT and bottom line was Joy had 25% hearing loss and could only hear 50% what we were saying.

For about a year we had a little girl with very bad hearing, and we thought how she was, was normal.

Oh Contrare…

She got grommets and her adenoids was removed. This all was the cause for the “not speaking properly” yet.

We went to a speech therapist and it was determined that Joy is a year to a year and a half behind on play and speech. This was a terrible shock for us.

Most parents will think, “oh my child is naughty…” most possibly there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

I instantly felt like a failure and that we could have done so much more if we only knew. But how could we have known?! The hearing test was normal before all this. You start questioning yourself as a parent and feel like that this is your fault.

But it was just due to circumstances.

Being in daycare for 3 months, lockdown for 4 months, going back to school, falling ill, at home for a week and a half, back to school, falling ill etc.

And as soon as she would pick up a word, an ear infection would start and she would de-learn the word. Then the op happened and currently speech therapy. Her routine was just so upside down, and very limited contact with friends!

The worst part for me was when we would go to play areas and I would hear how other 2 year olds would talk… It broke my heart.

One can’t help but wonder why her? Why us? Why do other parents have it so easy!

The pressure of having to catch up a year and a half of your child’s life is awful. It feels as though we have wasted a whole year. And that year was pure coping skills… Anything not to breakdown.

After 2 weeks of depression and anxiety building up, breaking out in hives and a lot of crying, I finally stopped trying to cope and just started to take small steps everyday and do things to build up my mental capacity.

Also celebrating the small things, like new words and Joy’s climbing abilities!

When you realised you need to stop coping and start living, you cry. And believe me you cry a lot! And I promise you, you will feel better. Don’t bottle up. I know it’s super hard and we want to seem as though life can’t get us down and we can cope with anything life throws.

We want to look like Super mom!

But guess what, knowing how and when to take care of yourself is just as important, even more so, cause your little ones depend on their Super mom.

My Super mom helped me realised this and I have been fortunate enough to have her by side my whole life.

So don’t be scare to lean on other Super moms for support, we all need it sooner or later in our lives as moms.

The birth of Joy – Part 2

I got wheeled into the operation room, while hubby got dressed into his royal blue support get-up.

I remembered sitting on the operation bed waiting for him, he was taking quite long and I was afraid they would start without him.

In the meantime I met all the nurses, assistant doctor, and my anesthesiologist. Hubby came in and looked very cute in his blue outfit.

I had to sit upright while they performed the spinal block. It wasn’t that sore, just a little prick. And all of a sudden my left side went all fuzzy… And it tickeld!
And I am ticklish. I layed down, feeling the dead weight of my lower body.

The medical staff put up the plastic pipe shaped in a funny arch just below my chest, and covered it with a sheet.

The doctors announced that they are going to begin, the pediatrician is also there, taking photos. I took a deep breath and told my husband he must talk to me about anything!

So he started explaining in detail how he is going service our car himself, and all the plans he has. In the meantime I feel the doctors pulling and moving things around down below, no pain was experienced, only the feeling of numbness.

All of a sudden, the gynae held baby Joy above the arch for me to see her and she was screaming her longs out!

The pediatrician took Joy quickly and checked that everything is OK. She wrapped her in a blanket and they gave her to me.


That moment was unbelievable. Here is the tiny human you have been creating and caring for, for months… And now I get to hold her, and meet her. Tears of Joy.

All of a sudden, something happened.
I felt dizzy, the room spinning. I remember just handing Joy to hubby, because I was afraid I might drop her.

Nausea took over, I called the anesthesiologist, and told him my symptoms while trying to throw up while laying on my back (which by the way is very difficult due to gravity).

He injected meds, and I kept wanting to throw up. He kept on rubbing my chest (to check that I am not passing out) while asking me: “How are you feeling? Talk to me, how are you feeling?” and all I could get out while trying to throw up was: “Nauseous”

And within minutes, I started feeling better. It was so scary, because it went through my mind that my husband is not with me and Joy will never get to meet her mom.

All of a sudden the nausea went away and the doctors stitched me up!

In that time, hubby went with Joy to the baby room and the two of them connected with some skin to skin.

They moved me from the operation bed to a normal bed, and the feeling of the spinal block… CRAZY! I giggled so much because of the tickling sensation!

Whilst in the recovery room, there was a strange little bucket on the bed with a plastic baggy in it…
Any guesses?


The Placenta!!!!

So weird to see a bit of you in a bucket…
Back in my private room, mom was waiting in anticipation! And in came daddy with baby Joy.
Granny held Joy and obviously fell in love.

Then Joy made her way back to me for some milk. (not that there were buckets full or even 2 drops) but none the less, she latched immediately and withing seconds, fell asleep.

The best decision we made was that hubby slept over with us. That involved him immediately into everything and it is just so amazing to have that support from the start.

I would highly recommend your partners doing this. It is a bit expensive, but it’s so worth it.

In part 3, I will write briefly about the hospital stay and returning home and how we coped.

Thanks for reading❤️

So look out for the next update 😘

The birth of Joy – Part 1

Let me just say, apologies for the overshare, but being a mom… And this being a birthing story… You can’t expect anything else.
But I will try and keep it light. 😉

It was a chilled weekend in October 2018, we slept over the saterday night at my mom’s house.                           

The next morning I woke up at 6h and went to the toilet. I made my tinkle and all of a sudden, I felt a ‘pop’ down below and liquid came out of a different hole…

I froze. “Was that my water breaking?”
I stood up, went to my husband, told him, that water trickled out of a different hole. He sat up and tried to process that this might be it. I woke my mom and told her, we phoned a nurse friend of ours and told her what happened.

” Yes, my dear… That was your water breaking.” She told us not to rush, since there were no contractions.        I just put on my Grey knit dress, no panty, no bra, just a hand towel rolled up and popped between my legs.

I waddled downstairs and layed on the couch trying to relax. I phoned my best friend, and shared the news what’s happening, while hubby went to fetch the baby bag and my hospital bag. Mom was getting ready and off we went to the hospital.

Every now and then while driving, a Gush of water came out!

IT IS THE WEIRDEST FEELING!!
We got to the hospital and all of a sudden, me in my Grey knit dress, no bra, no panty and my towel C-string, realised that I am not wearing shoes!

After having a good laugh, we bust into the ER, I told the girl behind the desk that my water broke, and that I am literally dripping on their floor.  Really.
And the most important, that I am scheduled for a C-section with my gynae, but only in 2.5 weeks!
I made it very clear… C-section! I am not pushing anyone, except in a que.😅

Thanks goodness, they had a private room open for me! Aircon, 2 lazy boy chairs and my own bathroom!
They popped a few monitors on my belly to check Joy’s heart rate and I got dressed in the highly fashionable hospital apron and climbed into bed.  Luckily my gynae was available to do the c-section!

And by 10h I got wheeled of to the theater with hubby by my side.

Part 2 to follow soon😘

In the theater, it’s almost time!

Pretty Pregnant

In November 2017, hubby and I decided that January 2018 we will start trying to expand our family of two, to three.

In the previous months of 2017, God showed me a vision (it feels like a memory or flashback).
The image I was given was of me walking into our spare room, while looking at myself from the back, holding a baby in a fluffy pink blanket.

I told my husband about this vision and we decided to accept God’s path for us.
I knew we were having a girl, and I knew her name was to be Joy (named after my grandmother). In March 2018, we found out that we were pregnant!

And later learned that it was in fact a girl.

Pregnancy was great in the beginning. But later on I went through what probably every mom-to-be goes through.

“Is my baby fine? I don’t feel her moving yet…” but being only 21 weeks pregnant it was normal, my doctor assured me.

During my 2nd trimester, my hip joints became unusually loose (its usually normal cause they are preparing to push a human through) but mine was quite bad.

I would walk down stairs and my knee would just give way under me

I also have arthritis in my coccyx, so I had a lot of pain in my hips and lower back.

I was at the physio every week for treatment to deal with the pain. I also had to get a horrible unflattering pregnancy belt, to keep my hips together. I barely wore this R400 piece of fashion, as I have a hourglass body shape and the darn belt kept sliding up🙄

Along with this excruciating pain, my wrists began to pain. It turned out that I had developed De Quervain Syndrome.

According to the Mayo Clinic website they give the following explanation:
“… a painful condition affecting the tendons on the thumb side of your wrist. If you have de Quervain’s tenosynovitis, it will probably hurt when you turn your wrist, grasp anything or make a fist.

Although the exact cause of de Quervain’s tenosynovitis isn’t known, any activity that relies on repetitive hand or wrist movement — such as working in the garden, playing golf or racket sports, or lifting your baby — can make it worse.”
[© 1998-2020 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER)]

It got so bad to the point where holding anything, wiping and even washing myself was impossible.

My husband had to help me with everything. I wore these horrible thumb and wrist splints to make sure I don’t use my hands. So after crying my eyes out on the toilet, not being able to wipe or pull up my leggings. Something had to be done!

I ended up seeing a hand specialist and he injected cortizone into the side of my wrists. And just like that I was pain free for about a month! I went back, when the pain returned and he said that if this were to happen again, he would need to operate and cut the tendons loose, and they will grow back the way they should.

So after Joy was born (birthstory for another post😉) in October 2018, I had my hands operated in February 2019. It was a minor operation, and I was told I’ll be able to use them immediately.
THIS WAS NOT TRUE! For 2 days I couldn’t pick Joy up or help with her. Nevertheless it was done, and the pain was gone for good.

The parts I enjoyed about being pregnant was, no. 1 Growing a human and no. 2, eating!
I never had weird cravings, like chalk or something I would never eat.
My first craving was grenadella cheesecake, and then……. Salty peanuts with sweet. I could not get enough of Damascus Nougat, and believe me…not the medium ones!
And then, Peanut Barones🤤 ahw… So good!!!

Something I just couldn’t deal with anymore was curry or any hot food. And believe me, a nice spicy lamb curry that burns your lips a bit…yum!

But unfortunately my tolerance for hot food, dropped to zero! Still today, my tolerance for hot food is very low.

It’s so amazing how the human body works. Some women are nauseous most of their pregnancies, others gain weight, others lose weight and some glow beautifully and other people’s physical appearance change!

God truly created us women to be strong and to handle any situation life throws at us, no matter how odd, something wonderful always await at the end of the our paths.
❤️

Happy with one

For now….

I am sure this has happened to every parent everywhere!

Your first child is barely home from the hospital, you have not cooked in days and you and your partner are still figuring out how to keep this tiny little miracle alive.

Then the first trip (with your shiny new baby, showing off the nice stroller) to the shops happens and you bump into someone you haven’t seen in a while. And they of course meet little baby, and they coochie coo, give their little hand a squeeze, look up and ask…

“So when are you having another one…?”  In your mind you are trying to figure out how on earth can they ask that?! My cesarean stitches have not even dissolved yet and I am still wearing my pregnancy pads?! 

You take a deep breath, smile politely and say… “maybe in a few years, we want to concentrate on this little one for now.”

The thing with me is that, I have always wanted a baby, since I can remember.  If I got married or not, adoption was my option!

But after we saw how much we spent on medical bills in the first year (to be shared in upcoming post)… It will be a very, very, very long time before we even, if ever, start to apply for our adoption baby.

Because this body, will not go through pregnancy again (upcoming post)

So each to his own, some people want to have a bunch of kids immediately, others wait a few years, others wait decades and others are more than happy with one.

Our little girl has so much personality that we might as well could’ve had twins. So my husband and I fall in the last category, we are more than happy with one

for now…

Nice to meet a fellow mom!

I am so grateful to be a mom of an amazing feisty, loving and strong-willed toddler.

We live in South Africa, in the Winelands. We live a flat, dad is working permanently now from home due to the pandemic “that must not be named.”

Our girl goes to a kindergarten halfday, while I work for my mom.

I know right… Sounds like the ideal situation.

And you know what, most of the time it is.

But then situations, problems and snotties and coughs creep in,

then all things feels upside-down and down right bizarre!

But hey… #momslife